Report by Sara
I was awake when October 9th began in Karlstad because I was still blogging about the Evigt Ung performance at midnight. Once I was finished with the post, I packed up my computer and headed up the elevator to my hostel room. I was sharing a room with two other people and they were fast asleep by that time. I tried my best not to wake them and was able to get a few hours sleep before the morning began in earnest.
I woke up at 6 am in order to pack up my belongings and be ready to get to the women's breakfast at Karlstad's Pentecostal church. Once everything was packed and I was ready, I met Jessi and Anja downstairs. I put my hostel key in the check-out drop-box and brought my suitcase with me. I was going to leave after the concert was over, so I had to bring everything with me. Anja and Jessi were staying another night at the hostel, so they only brought their recording equipment with them, which was just as heavy as my entire suitcase.
The morning light was just beginning to break and the smell of freshly fallen rain greeted us at the hostel door. We walked across the hostel grounds and down into an underground walkway that led us under a highway and out to the parking lot. We passed a few joggers and a man tending to a soccer field during our little trek. Everyone else was still asleep.
We loaded my suitcase and the electronics into the car, while Anja took her place behind the steering wheel and Jessi pulled out the GPS. Our drive didn't last too long. It took about five minutes to get from the hostel to the church. The breakfast started at 8:30 am but we were a bit early, about thirty minutes early. Jessi figured out the best place to park and once we found a good location, we spent a little time listening to music and discussing the upcoming performance.
Jessi walked up to the church to see if anyone was inside or if anyone was waiting. She saw a few men in the church preparing the breakfast, but no one was standing at the door just yet, so we waited a little longer. Around 8:10 or so, we starting seeing people show up at the front door of the church, so we joined them.
I spent about ten minutes interviewing some of the people waiting outside, then we were let into the building around 8:20 am. We were welcomed to the church by a few women standing at the doorway. We followed the crowd to find out where we should hang up our coats, because the first thing everyone does when they enter a building is find the coat rack. At least it seems that way. We hung up our coats and decided to see what was going on in the church itself.
We walked down the steps and into the church sanctuary where we saw that Jakob and Jenny were already setting up for the program. They saw us and walked over to say hello. Jakob asked how we liked Evigt Ung and asked if we understood the dialogue. Jenny asked how we were doing and tried to lift Jessi's backpack off her shoulder, to no avail. It was just too heavy to lift with one hand. The director of the program came over and spoke with Jenny for a few minutes about the program details. Jenny and Jakob excused themselves to deal with the rest of the set-up and we were able to get some breakfast, thanks to Jenny and Jakob who were able to set us up with a breakfast.
The church contained three levels and we decided to sit on the top level to eat breakfast. The tables upstairs were quite large and the three of us were taking up an entire table, so we decided to change our minds and eat downstairs instead where the tables weren't so big. So, we walked downstairs and joined the breakfast line on the first level. Jessi and Anja had already eaten a little bit before they left, so they didn't eat too much. I was starving, so I jumped in and grabbed a plate. I loaded my plate down with breakfasty goodness, and as I arrived back at our table, I saw a bowl in the middle of the table and gleefully exclaimed "Candy"! Each table had its own bowl of candy. Not only that, but most of the bowl was filled with my favorite candy. Polly!
I love Sweden.
Of course, I popped a piece of Polly before I sat down. It was my appetizer. And, of course, Jessi, Anja, and I ended up in a long-winded conversation about candy during our breakfast. I think I talked more than anyone.
I finished up my abnormally large plate of food, while Jessi and Anja had finished eating long before I did. We sat there for a few minutes chatting and enjoying the warmth and light from the candles sitting on our table.
The top level of the church was filled with people eating breakfast and chatting. The entire building was humming with conversation. People kept pouring in and the bottom level tables began filling up as well. We were finished with our breakfast, so we left the area to make room for the new people.
We took a seat in a church bench in the sanctuary. I joked about setting up my tiny tripod on the back of the church bench, but it wasn't working so well. It wouldn't sit upright. I also saw hooks placed on the back of the church bench and I asked Jessi what that was. I had never noticed them before. She explained to me that it was a hook to hang your jacket on during the winter. Oh, that's why I had never noticed it before. We don't have those at home.
More and more people finished up their food and found their way into the sanctuary. I saw an opportunity to interview more people and began looking around for a group to chat with. I chatted with a few groups of people and a little while later, I saw Jessi and Anja moving themselves and their equipment closer to the front stage. They unpacked everything, while I walked around to find more willing interviewees.
Jessi and Anja had everything set up by the time I arrived back at my seat. I pulled out my little camera, which is the size of a large cell phone, and my tripod, which is about as tall as a hand. It's very small. My camera looked so ridiculously tiny compared to theirs, so I thought it would be funny to take a picture of their huge professional tripods alongside my cell-phone sized camera with its puny tripod. I jumped up on the stage and sat down on one of the steps to take the picture. While doing so, I banged the back of my head against the piano. (Hey! Who put that there?) Thankfully, it was more startling than painful.
While I was taking a photo of the tripod set up, Jessi and Anja took photos of me taking photos of the tripod set up. We were constantly taking photos of everyone and everything, including pictures of ourselves taking photos of each other. As you all know, we're a bit photo crazy. Since we had all the cameras set up and we had taken pictures of our cameras being set up, we were ready for the presentation. There were still a few minutes left, so we waited impatiently. Or at least I waited impatiently.
Jenny was finished with her set-up and decided she would sit beside us on the front row until the program started, so she put her stuff down on the front bench and took a seat next to me. She started joking with me about my little camera, while making sure it worked by sticking her hand in front of the lens.
She also noticed my little camera with the tripod. I had been holding it in my hand while filming the past two presentations (as you can see by the shakes and shivers in the Lindome and Löfstad footage). She watched me for a moment as I positioned the tripod to fit in my hands, then she said, "Go get that chair over there." There was a tall black chair sitting on the side of the stage, so I said ok and got up to grab it. I really had no idea what she had in mind at that moment, so I wasn't quite sure why she was asking me to get the chair. When I brought it back, it dawned on me what she had in mind. I set the chair down and she placed my small camera, with its tiny tripod, on the tall seat. (Ah! Much better.) So, you all can thank Jenny for the smooth footage at Karlstad. I was prepared to hold the camera up again for an hour and a half, with shakes and all, but she saw the chair and had an idea, an excellent idea.
It was almost time for the program to begin in earnest, but first, the presenter came up on stage and spoke a little bit about upcoming programs at the church. The presenter also said they usually have a giveaway at these events and she would be giving away seven prizes at this breakfast. Two prizes would be floral arrangements and five would be copies of Jenny's biography.
She asked Jenny to come up and draw the winning numbers. "Draw seven", the presenter said. Jenny, who was in a jovial mood that morning, said to the crowd, "I'll draw number seven." as she started looking in the bowl for the ticket with the number seven on it, to which the presenter replied, "No. I'll start over.", as she jokingly pulled the bowl away from Jenny. Jenny replied, "There wouldn't be any surprise in drawing number seven. Not much excitement in that.". The presenter started over by saying, "Seven numbers, please". Jenny drew the numbers while she joked about not being able to see the numbers, not having a number herself, and not knowing exactly how many numbers she had drawn.
After the prizes had been awarded, the presentation began in earnest. Jenny arrived on stage and talked about how nice Karlstad is, both the city and the people. She said that both her and Jakob have spent a lot of time in the city during the past year because Jakob has been playing piano in Evigt Ung at the city's opera house. She joked about moving to Karlstad and said she usually travels between Stockholm and Gothenburg. She said people in Stockholm aren't always so nice, if she's allowed to stereotype everyone. She also said people in Gothenburg are sometimes nicer than people in Stockholm, but the people in Karlstad are even nicer than both of them. But she said she would start the show by honoring a man from Stockholm, one of her friends named Mauro Scocco.
She told an anecdote about a time she sang "Du är Aldrig Ensam" as an encore in a church where the doors were opened at the end, around All Saints Day. Jenny saw a woman get up and leave before the encore had started. The woman had made it a little ways out, and as the song started, she stopped. Jenny watched as the woman stopped, turned toward a newly dug grave, and began to sob. Jenny didn't think the woman's tears fell because it was so awful, as it seemed the woman didn't have a connection to the person who was buried there. Instead, Jenny felt it was because a bit of heaven had reached the woman, a little greeting from God.
With that, Jenny introduced the first song of the concert, "The song is called "You are Never Alone" and God, who I believe in, He never leaves us by ourselves and I think this song was a greeting for her and it is one for you too. You are never alone."
"Du är Aldrig Ensam"
After the first song, she introduced herself and Jakob to the crowd. She told the crowd they have two kids, one who is five and wakes up early and one who is three and a half. Her life has been richly blessed and they have helped each other through many things. She is very thankful and very happy and didn't think she would be 38 and utterly thankful that her life has become so great. She was a star in Ace of Base and wondered what guy would be able to put up with her work, with her, a person who is a little broken and bruised.
She explained the background to Ace of Base. They traveled around the world and sang and had fun. She didn't feel like she could pick a man who was also a pop star in Sweden. She wanted a Christian guy who could deal with her weaknesses and could "sort of" play the piano, she joked. "And so it was. He appeared when it was time." She is thankful for that, very thankful.
She joked that her husband thought it sounded like a good idea for a woman with young kids to sit down and write an autobiography in the middle of everything else. She talked about the meeting with Anna Braw after a presentation at a university in Sweden where Anna proposed that Jenny write a book. Jenny said she had two reactions. One was, "I can't write. I've never been able to." The other was, "I've always wanted to. And now someone has asked me to do so." So, she ignored the first reaction and said, "What a great idea!"
With that, she began to tell her story. She grew up in Bergsjön (a suburb of Gothenburg) with an older brother and sister and she played a lot as a kid. Her Mom and Dad took her to church activities in places like Åh. She thought it was fascinating when her parents sat there in the church and prayed. When they closed their eyes, something closed off and another opened up. She couldn't explain it, but she sat there and played with the ring on her Mom's finger while they prayed. She was a part of those moments. Even if she couldn't explain what was going on, she knew there was something special about prayer. There was also music, a lot of music. She learned hymn 210 and a song by Evert Taube. She asked the audience if they could sing all the verses of "Ormbunken" by Evert Taube and the audience laughed at the thought because the song has several verses. She used to sit in her window at night and sing the songs. She would be the only one up and would wake others up as she sat and sang. It was usually her Dad who got up and brought her back to bed.
"Jag Lyfter Ögat mot Himmelen" (Hymn 210)
Jakob played an extended version of the song and Jenny explained a bit more about her life as the music played. She talked about moving to a new house when she was six. When she started school, no one wanted to talk with her and it lasted awhile, until fourth grade. She asked a lot of question of herself, wondered if it was her who was the problem. She talked about the two songs she used to sing, "Ormbunken didn't work, but this song did. I found the words in my soul and they gave me hope."
(continued) "Jag Lyfter Ögat mot Himmelen"
She wanted to find a place to belong and be accepted. It was possible with God because the other doors were closed to her. He liked her just as she was. She remembered when she asked her Mom to buy her new clothes because she thought maybe that was the problem. If she had the same kind of clothes as the others, then maybe they would talk to her again. But it didn't work because they didn't start speaking with her again. Maybe if she cut her hair in a certain way or acted a certain way, maybe then things would work out. But that wasn't the solution either. Because she could do something to be accepted, then it must mean there was something wrong with her, with who she was. "Children are mean to each other and there are many of you here who have a similar story. I think God sees our past and wants to help us with these difficulties in our lives. God isn't dependent on time. It doesn't matter that it's a certain time right now. He goes back and brings things back together. God doesn't have any limits, but we do."
She told the crowd that she believes in God and that's why she talks about her faith. The entire point of writing the book wasn't to have people feel bad for her, because she is standing there and is thankful for everything she has today. She doesn't think she is the one who is interesting, but the one who has healed her and given her the ability to experience love through everything is the interesting one. "It's him who is interesting. But you can decide that for yourself. I'll give you my story, but it is difficult to explain without having the opportunity to tell you what God has meant for me. So take it as you like. I don't want to push anything on you. But it's been my experience that God is not dependent on time."
She told the story about a retreat at Åh where everyone had to sit in a circle and it was a bit uncomfortable at first, as they all sat there and said their hellos to each other. Her old confirmation pastor had a smart idea. They should sit there in prayer and hear what God wanted to focus on during the retreat. It ended up being different than what Jenny had in mind. She had a list of things she wanted to bring up, things she was angry about, sad about, disappointed with, tired of, and so on. She was right in the middle of the craziness with Ace of Base. She had been very disappointed in a lot of things.
She had a lot of big questions, but God directed her thoughts to the time when she was a little girl. That little girl needed to be whole. It was there he decided to start. It was something she had almost forgotten about until that day. If he was to heal the whole person, he needed to start from the beginning.
She thinks her story isn't really much compared to other people. There wasn't anyone who hit her or stole her things more than once, so her story isn't the worst, but she isn't comparing her life to others, but describing what her world was like, because it was bad enough for her. Things didn't turn around for her until fourth grade. She was finally given a party invitation in class instead of all the previous times when she was handed an invitation in class, only to see someone else's name written on it. She finally received one with her name on it and learned the rules and a bunch of strange games along with it.
Later on, she had to decide where she wanted to be confirmed. She chose Åh and just before she was about to leave for the five week trip, she found out her Mom had cancer. She thought her Mom was going to pass away.
One night, the confirmation students were told to sit by themselves quietly and listen to hear if God had something to tell them. Jenny thought it sounded plausible. She was always busy and didn't have time to sit down and listen to what his thoughts were. She had just turned sixteen and had just left her Mom at home battling the illness and the crippling effects of the treatment. It was a terrible burden because she had two support beams in her life: Mom and Dad. One of them was going to fall and when that happened, she would too. She felt she would also cease to exist if one of her parents died.
She kept a shield up around her regarding the news. She didn't think it was something everyone should know about. It was her sorrow. She just wanted to have a normal time at the camp. A happy time. The same thing her siblings had at Åh, a happy time. She tried to make it that way, but it didn't really work. When she sat there that night and tried to listen, she heard something that the pastor said.
"There is a speaker's podium in the church and he stood at the podium reading from the Bible. On the podium itself, there is a stitching that reads 'All my words are Spirit and Life'". And she thought it was a great thing, "Because the Bible isn't just a normal book. There is something electric about it in a way. It is something more, something weighty. The pastor said something that was totally fantastic. He was only reading from the Bible and he said, 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God' (Philippians 4:6)." "Short and sweet. When you talk to God, say it like it is. Everything. Also say what you want. Say it." And that's what she did.
She learned the difference between loving and being nice and also the difference between being happy and having joy. "Being happy and being nice are good things, while love and joy are huge, huge gifts you are given in your life. You can put it this way, if you take the word joy and the word happy, you can see that happiness comes and happiness goes. They don't exist at the same time. You're not extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time. You're simply either happy or sad. But joy come from another world, the Heavenly Kingdom. The Heavenly Land. From the ground up. It's a gift we're given from another world. Like oil and water don't mix, joy comes from another Kingdom and exists at the same time unhappiness exists. It gives us peace where it normally wouldn't exist." She finished the Bible verse her pastor read from that night, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7)."
She went on to explain that she speaks Swedish and not another language, like German, because it's her primary language and it's a common language she shares with others. Sometimes when she sat there and was going to pray to God, she would speak in another language. But she says that God wants to hear our voice and our way of speaking. He wants to hear our language and wants us to say things just like they are. He wanted her to say things just like they were and she did that. She said to God, "Let me find joy. Let me find joy, God." And what the Bible verse said came true. "God's peace, which is worth more than everything I was thinking, gave my heart, which was broken in two, and my thoughts, which were scrambled, protection in Christ Jesus."
She felt as though there were invisible hands that held her poor, bruised heart and her painful thoughts. And she was given peace. She felt that her Mom and Dad were her support beams and she felt that God would be there instead of her Mom. It would be God and Dad there.
Her Mom survived and Jenny was confirmed. The first five years after her Mom finished treatment were strange because the cancer could return during those years. They lived with the ongoing miracle that their Mom had survived. Jenny still lives with it and thinks it's wonderful.
Jenny didn't know things would be this way when she arrived at the confirmation camp but she knew it was that way when she left. What did she know afterward? The realization that God, no matter if she was the only Christian around, that he was just as real as the material, like a carton of milk on the kitchen table. "God is just as real, but not full of milk", she joked. At the end of confirmation, she sang that she wanted her life to be like a song of praise to God.
She threw herself into the youth scene in Gothenburg and tried to find Christian gatherings in the city because she found out that you should search out gatherings where people feel the same way you do. A fellowship together with others who also believe in God. She ended up singing in the choir at Domkyrkan. She was also together with her brother in a band in the garage.
She went on to explain about the meeting at the Scandinavium in 1990 where she heard a pastor named John Wimber speak. He asked them if they could see themselves telling other people about the good things God has given them and she thought she could do that. So she said again "God, take my life and make it a song of praise to you, so that the things I do will be good in your eyes and nothing else. Let me do something where I can tell someone else that there is a peace beyond death." She wanted to do that and she would be happy doing it. She felt like she was given an answer to that. "It was important to turn to God. Very important. Otherwise, it wouldn't work."
Jenny mentioned Melanie C from the Spice Girls and her first song, "I Turn to You". Jenny talked about the song and how she interprets the lyrics, "The song is very good and when nothing is like it's supposed to be, it doesn't matter how bad I feel, I can always turn to you. And have peace.
"I Turn to You"
Jenny talked about the question John Wimber posed to the Swedes who were attending the conference in 1990, "'Could I give the whole of me to God?', he asked us. This John Wimber, he didn't give up. He was American. And it wasn't only because of that, but a little bit. He was an American and he was a fiery pastor. John Wimber was able to get the entire stadium, full of reserved Gothenburg locals, to get up out of their seats and say, 'Yes, I can see me doing that' I think he spent about fifteen minutes trying to get us to that point. There were a lot of people from the Swedish church there."
She compared the acceptance of the question to a school assignment, "It's sort of like when you've finished an assignment in school. You've worked on a paper and you're about to turn it in. You've finished it up and are about to give it to someone else. So now I give it to you. It was a little like that, but you didn't just stand there and hand over a paper. You got up and put your whole self into it. Here you go. Here's all of me. And that was exciting because that's when things begin to happen."
The conference took place in 1990. In 1991, Ace of Base signed a record contract at the same time Jenny graduated high school. In 1992, the band was number one and number two in Denmark. In 1993, they traveled back and forth between Gothenburg and London to be on TV shows. They had become a phenomenon and there was so much importation of the album to the US, they appeared on the Billboard lists without a Stateside release. The record company was then forced to create a contract for the States because so much was happening. In 1994, they received a Billboard award for best group and an American Music Award in 1995, which was voted on by the American public.
"Why am I talking about the American people? It's the biggest nation when it comes to selling albums. It was unbelievable, and we broke world records with the album."
After a few years of this, she began longing for something else. She went from being a student and writing long, detailed papers to merely writing her name on a piece of paper. She decided to write a journal, which was used as the foundation for her book. It was an unusual time and she missed normal things. She never wanted to be a pop star, never wanted to be an idol, and was only expecting to live a normal life.
She wanted to do something with dance or music when she was fifteen or sixteen, but it was impossible to make it big, so it was better to study something instead. She thought it was good to have an interest in dance or music anyway.
She missed the normal things and to get some of that normalcy back, she worked as a confirmation leader. She was home five weeks out of the year and she spent all five weeks at the camp. It gave her a burst of energy that she needed during the other times of the year when she was working. "It was real there because you can't fool a fourteen or fifteen year old. It doesn't work. You have to have the essence of who you are." She went from being that pop star with the flippant attitude and the excessive vocabulary, like in America, "This is gorgeous! This is absolutely beautiful! I just love this! It's perfect! Thank you! It's great! I just love this place! and a few more. Amazing is a very good word if you ever go there." And if she tried this type of talk at the confirmation camp, it just didn't work. It was Jenny who was important. It was the normal person who sat there and ate with them who mattered. Not the pop star.
She could have a regular conversation with these kids who were unsure of themselves and had maybe just left home for the first time. She could sit there and ask them what they liked to do with their free time and maybe they said they liked to work on their moped. So they found a topic they could talk about. It was all about asking and listening.
She also got something back from working there. She realized she was something, that she mattered and was a good person and did a good job. It was a bit like refueling and she wanted to keep that going after it was over. She wanted to keep the contact with the things that were good. She felt that God gave her the opportunity to keep herself grounded through the years with Ace of Base through her work there. She could have fallen into bad things or created new values that could have have turned her into a very unhappy diva. But she wanted to keep hold of the things that were true. She mentioned that Cat Steven's has a song called Moonshadow and it speaks about this point. Her life was infused with meaning and worth when she was at the camp. And it stayed with her and followed her wherever she went.
"Moonshadow "
Afterwards, she asked for two volunteers to act out what it's like to be famous. There was silence in the room, then people started laughing. No one immediately volunteered themselves, so Jenny picked two women who were sitting up front and laughing too, "Oh, you're laughing now. That means you're coming up here."
Helena joined Jenny on stage and helped her act out the moment when two people see a celebrity in the city and decide to approach them. Lena, acting as the celebrity, illustrated how it is to answer questions about yourself when you're well-known and recognized on the street.
Jenny mentioned afterwards that the illustration was a bit exaggerated when it comes to Sweden and the Swedes. She said that the questions were fine. All she had to do was answer them. People would ask obvious questions and she would answer them. They wouldn't believe it was her, then they'd look at her and ask again, just to be sure.
To explain the strangeness of the situation, Jenny likened it to having a broken arm or leg. She asked the audience how many have had a broken bone and many answered in the affirmative, "Did someone come up to you and ask you if you had broken something? Were you tempted to answer the question in a different way? 'No, I haven't broken my arm. I'm just out here wind surfing with my sling. Look how well it works when the wind blows this way.' The injury hurts, you take pain pills and it itches. You don't want to explain it to people over and over again", she said. This is how Jenny felt when she went out to the city and was stopped several times. She just wanted to be normal. She just wanted a little time to step off the ride that was Ace of Base. She just wanted to be Jenny, and not just at the confirmation camp, but at home too.
She was invited to eat with a friend and her friend's parents one time in the middle of the Ace of Base rush. She spent the entire meal talking with her friend's Dad about business. They wanted to know about the music branch, but she just wanted to be Jenny who sat there and ate with her friend. She just wanted to be herself. But she sat there and fielded the same questions over and over again. Is it true? Is it you? Isn't it all incredible? "I said yes, but I needed to be me."
She talked about a book she remembered as a kid where a man was strapped to a rock in a cave and water was dripping down from the ceiling. It was his punishment for something he did. She asked her Dad about the strange picture. She wanted to know what the guy did to deserve it and why it was such an easy punishment. Her Dad explained that it was a very bad punishment because it gets progressively worse. The first hour is ok, but by one week, you've slowly been driven crazy. The questions she received from people weren't strange. They were simple and harmless on their own. But they began adding up together and she couldn't make it stop. That's when it started to hurt. She just wanted to be herself, to have a little normalcy.
She returned to Åh many times to make sure she was doing the right thing, and one time she just wanted one word to be sure. One little word to make sure she was doing the right thing, that she should sing and be a pop star. She had to wait several days before she heard anything. It was during Easter week, and that meant she had been there for four days without any answer at all. She was sure she was on the wrong track. But it was during the last service on the last day, the fifth day, when she heard something. "It was during Communion, where the Father's heart beats for us. Given for you. It's exactly what this cross means, that God has given his Son so we can understand that he has changed places with us. We will not always be unloved and misunderstood creations in this world. He has switched places with us so we can have peace. He has given us the keys to the most difficult thing, which is death itself, so we won't die."
She explained about the voice she heard, "I traveled to Åh and heard these wonderful words. I heard them. I normally get a feeling, but these words I actually heard, like words you speak to me. "You are my beloved child. I will never forsake you." I lived on those words and it was so fantastic to be able to live on those words."
She described the time she was attacked in her home. She read from the book about the incident, then described how she fell asleep in the middle of a prayer that night before it happened. And after it happened, she started that prayer back up and said, "God, you are the one who gives peace when there isn't any peace. Give me peace through this too and let me be whole again in the way you want me to be. And I realized very, very early that you can't blame God for the bad things that happen because God is good. God can take everything in his hands and deal with it. He can take traumas like this in his hand and carefully turn it right side up." She prayed to God that he would take the trauma and heal the things that were broken in many different ways.
She introduced the next song by saying it is a prayer where we stand in front of God and ask for help.
"Hjälp mig Jesus"
After the song, Jenny spoke about being honest with God. She said she thinks it's really good to be able to say things like they are to God. Not to jump over the difficult things but to say them, "I did this, And I said I wanted to keep three things in my life. You can take away everything else. Take my fame, my health, my wealth, whatever, future plans, but I want to keep three things. I want to keep my confirmation cross. I want to keep my Bible where I underlined passages and wrote dates and places next to them while I was traveling with Ace of Base. It didn't matter how much money I had. I couldn't buy these things. And I wanted to keep my Dad."
She said it might sound a little odd to sit there in church and say, "I want this God and I want that God", but it was what she thought she wanted and it is important to say things like they are to God.
She told the story about the time she was out jogging and she had the feeling that she should give away her confirmation cross to a man sitting on a park bench. Since there is a relationship between her and God, it can sometimes happen that she has a difference of opinion. She jogged past a man whom she thought was an alcoholic and she felt that God was telling her to give away her cross to him. Jenny thought it was a very bad idea, but then she thought maybe this guy wants a cross. Maybe he needed a cross from her on that particular day. Maybe he was thinking about taking his life and asked for someone to stop and give him a gold cross. What if that was the man's prayer and she didn't give away her cross to him? There was no way around it. So she said to God, "Ok, if I'm really supposed to give away my cross, or if I'm just being impossibly nice, as I can be sometimes, then you can make sure the man is still there on the bench when I come back. If he's gone, I'll keep my cross."
"And I don't think I've ever jogged so long in my life. Except maybe one time when I took a wrong turn in the city of Gävle and ended up jogging until I came upon a sign on the highway which read Gävle 7. But I jogged a long way and when I got back, guess who was sitting on the bench? 'Hey! Hi! Do you want my cross?' The only thing left to do was to take it off the chain, put it in my hand, and give it to him. His hand was sort of dirty and yellow from smoking a cigarette down to the filter and beyond. The way it looks when you've smoked down to the filter more than once. When it's past the end."
"I put my cross in his hand and thought, 'Now! Now something's going to happen!' He looked at me and said, 'I don't need this'.' 'No, obviously, I don't either', I said.
"It wasn't him who was supposed to learn something that day. It was me who didn't need my gold cross. It was me who needed to give something away. It was me who needed to be free from something. I became free from something I thought I needed. 'Obviously, I don't need it either' My Christianity wasn't contained within that cross. It was within me, here on the inside."
She then told everyone about the second part of the story, "The person who attacked me came from Germany. A German person had attacked me. She held a knife to my throat and she was jailed. But it's as easy as writing a letter. She could have addressed it to Jenny Ace of Base Sweden and it would've gotten there. I opened the German letters last. They went to the bottom of the pile. That person who hurt me could send me something at any time. The person who awoke me from my deepest most peaceful sleep could write to me again."
Jenny didn't want to read the letters, especially the ones that held something in them. They could contain a symbol, such as a knife. She opened them with apprehension. "In one of the packages, I found a box. Do you know what was in there? A gold cross. An identical gold cross. And I cried right there. Right where I was standing. The tears flowed down. I don't know what you could call those tears. I wasn't sad, in any case. I was extremely happy. The kind of happy when things are really good and it moves you to tears. Those kinds of tears. Straight down my face. And I knew this was a piece of healing. I reluctantly gave away my gold cross and got it back - from the same country as the attacker. My cross came back to me from the same place my deepest fears originated from." She mentioned the joy of losing something, only to have it brought back again.
There were three things she never wanted to give up, she reminded the crowd. She mentioned that the only thing currently left of the three was her Bible. Then she spoke about losing her father: "My Dad died some time ago but he was my Dad. I was little in his embrace. I was the youngest of three and grew up playing in his lap. The little child in me will never understand that he is gone. Will never be able to accept that he isn't around. And still wants to scream and kick in despair. The grown woman in me can very well understand. 'It happens sometimes. He lived a good life. He went to sleep and died in his sleep. That was good.' She told the crowd that it is good to have these kinds of thoughts, but it's also important to be the little kid who doesn't understand at all. "That same little girl who didn't understand why she wasn't allowed to play with the others when she was six also can't understand that her Dad is no longer around, that the security in his embrace no longer exists."
She spoke about the day he passed away, "It was so strange that day, when I found out that he had died. That he was dead. But I also understood that Dad was able to experience his best day ever. Because if there's one thing I am completely convinced of, it's that if I can believe in those good things that have happened to me, things that I am thankful for in this life, then it won't be anything compared to that day when I leave this world and enter the next - when I take my last breath and begin to take new ones in Heaven. I don't really know exactly what it looks like, of course. But if I can piece together those good experiences I've had of the God I believe in and the things I've experienced with him, to know that I will go there one day, it means I never need to be afraid to die.
"And I'll meet my Dad again. I'll see him again. Not now, and not tomorrow, I think. But we know nothing about when we will die. I can't do anything about that. I can't do anything about the past either. I can't go back and change anything in my life. I can't go back three days and get on that train I missed. I can't do anything about the future either. But I can do something about the here and now. And there's an incredible secret there- that the Kingdom of God is among us. Maybe that little girl who sat in the window caught a glimpse of that as she sang the words 'Let me grow into the land of life that is your Heavenly Kingdom' (hymn 210). That's why I've grown in a different way than what could be considered normal. That 's where an average person who can't write books does just that. The Heavenly Kingdom has completely different possibilities than the Earthly kingdom, the place we all live in.
"Three months after my Dad died, I was able to hold onto another secure hand. It was Jakob's. And I decided it would always be that way." She went on to tell the background behind the next song. She had a friend who asked her if they could get together for lunch. Jenny wasn't able to and she let her friend know, but when Jenny put the phone down, she knew something had happened between them. She wasn't able to get to everything she wanted to do, like many other people in life. It saddened her that she wasn't able to get to these little things in life because of all the big things that were happening, and because of all the things that were broken. She couldn't deal with the small things at that point.
She told the crowd that she described these feelings to Jakob and he wrote the most wonderful melody and Jenny wrote words to it, "And it's about saying, 'Good Lord, give me faith that moves mountains of sorrow and things I'm not able to get to. And let me, who has been torn in two in this life'... which may always may be the case. Everyone carries small pieces of sorrow within them. And even if I've shared all of mine, it's still the case that I still carry sorrow within me. 'Let me sing out. Let me carry your light. Take everything I am.' It's a little like this, you don't hand over a 'yes', but instead you hand over yourself. 'Good Lord, take care of me where I stand. All of it. Everything'."
She spent a little time reciting the lyrics in English, then translating them into Swedish for the crowd. Before singing the song, she thanked everyone for listening and coming out to hear what she had to say.
"Give me the Faith"
The crowd gave Jenny and Jakob a standing ovation at the end of GMTF which lasted for quite a while. Jenny began speaking, and only then did the crowd stop clapping. The crowd was still standing as she tried to speak, "We have a little. A little..." She had to pause to collect her thoughts after the standing ovation and seeing everyone standing. "Wow, that was strong. Please have a seat.", she told the crowd.
"I would like to sing one more song for you, which Jakob has composed." She told the story behind the lyrics to the song. "You know who Aaron is right? The brother of Moses from the Old Testament. Moses went up to the mountain and met God face to face. When he came down, he had to put a cloth over his face. That's something I wish I had seen. It must have been very cool. In any case, he had a brother named Aaron and he was the one who spoke the words from God, which were a sort of giving of life, continually. And I would like to sing those words, if that's ok."
The host thanked Jenny and Jakob for their performance and the concert came to a close with the closing blessing.
"Välsignelsen"
After the concert was over, there were a great deal of people who stayed in the church, sitting in the ambiance of the moment, which made it easy to get interviews. I spent a good deal of time talking to people. The first two people I spoke with were Helena and Lena who were up on stage acting out the celebrity life. I was able to interview a spectrum of people ranging from fourteen to about sixty.
Anja and Jessi were chatting a little bit with Jenny and Jakob at the front of the church. Jenny went to the entryway of the church to meet people and chat with them. Jakob stayed in the church for a bit and I was able to chat with him for a little while after I was finished interviewing people. We talked about his performance during the concert and his Evigt Ung performance the night before. I mentioned that I was traveling back to Gothenburg in just a little while to catch another concert and he mentioned that he was getting ready for the final show of Evigt Ung for the season. I mentioned the singer I was going to see in Gothenburg later in the evening and Jakob said he and Jenny knew the singer personally. That was quite a surprise! He asked me to say hello to her from them.
We walked out of the church and up the steps to the entryway. There was still a long line of people waiting to speak to Jenny. We grabbed our coats from the coat room and took a seat while Jenny finished speaking with everyone. After she was finished up, she came over and chatted with us too. We talked about the candy that was everywhere. She mentioned an interview she gave for City newspaper in Stockholm and how she answered a question about the greatest living person. She answered Jesus and she thought that answer would probably bother a few people.
She also told us a little bit about the performance she gave in Northern Sweden a few days prior. There was a little conversation about accents, both British and American ones. She also said she's been listening to a lot of the songs that didn't make it onto the album and she was thinking of putting something together from those songs because she's restless and always working. She likes to keep moving.
She mentioned her contact man at Universal. She said he was really good at what he does. He figured out a way to get the album to people outside of Sweden for a good price. He worked on getting the link up on the website so anyone could get a copy, no matter where they lived. She said he comes up with very good solutions for any questions that arise.
I asked her to create a quick clip for the blog and she was happy to do so. Just after we recorded the clip, I heard Jakob asking people around him if they had any headphones. No one came up wtih any, but someone came up with the idea of plugging Jakob's iPhone into the church sound system. (Whoever came up with that is a genius!) With that, we started walking back into the church to listen to more tracks from the album. I don't even remember anyone asking us specifically if we wanted to listen to more new songs. I think we just knew that was the plan and followed them back downstairs to the church. Jenny had grabbed a bowl of candy from upstairs and was offering it to people passing by as we made our way back down to the sanctuary.
Jakob plugged the iPhone up to the audio console and asked us what track we wanted to hear first. He jokingly suggested "Here I Am" or "Gotta Go". He knew we wanted to hear the new tracks, so we started off with those instead. We heard "Air of Love", "Natural Superstar", and "Going Home" first. It didn't take long to realize "Air of Love" would end up being one of my favorites. Very catchy and upbeat. There were a few people left in the church and they were grooving along to the song too. When "Natural Superstar" debuted, it was the whistle that first caught our attention. Jakob automatically began whistling along with the song. When "Going Home" started, I knew this song would be something special for me. A smile broke across my face during the intro and I spent the next few minutes closing my eyes to get a better listen. I was totally in the moment. It was one of those moments you wanted to stay in as long as you could. We found out this was one of the songs Jenny had worked on when she and Jakob were in Nashville.
After he played the first three songs for us, Jakob told us he needed to stop at a store to buy something before the shop closed up for the day. He checked the clock and noticed there was still time left before they needed to leave, so we were able to hear a few more songs. The second round of songs included "Spend This Night" and "Dying To Stay Alive". I remember hearing these and thinking that Jenny had completely captured the essence of Ace of Base with these two songs. I thought to myself, "Wow, these are Ace of Base!"
After the songs finished, we chatted more with Jenny. We kept talking about different topics and subjects, such as the music, the availability of the album, and the scheduled promotion during the next week.
I had to keep tabs on the clock during the conversation because my bus back to Gothenburg was about to leave shortly. Jakob was sitting in another area while we chatted with Jenny. I noticed he was also keeping tabs on the time so he could get to the store before it closed. Jessi, Anja, and Jenny kept chatting, while Jakob and I sort of tapped our clocks a few times as reminders to them. The conversation closed shortly thereafter and we started moving toward the door.
We walked outside where we said thank you and goodbye to Jakob for the final time during the trip. We also said our farewells to Jenny until the next meeting in Stockholm. Our goodbye conversation took a little more time than I had anticipated and it was making me a little nervous about missing my bus. I didn't know where the bus station was located and I had five minutes to get there, but thankfully Jenny knew the way and knew a shortcut to the station. I thanked her for the concert, the afternoon and the shortcut information, then I ran in the direction she pointed out.
I got to the bus just in time. I was the last person to board before the driver started up the bus and headed back to Gothenburg.